Horoscopes: How Accurate Are They?
Does anyone but me think horoscopes could apply to anyone alive or dead, from Mother Theresa to Charlie Manson?
According to a Yahoo Shine article, my career horoscope 2010 is divided up into two “clearly defined chunks”, the first presenting “struggles”, the second seeing a “boatload of opportunity”.
My horoscope says not to dwell on my struggle, but rather do my best to use the experience to my benefit. Those are profound words from something called Yahoo. So while I’m standing on my head trying to goop up the leaky pipe under the sink, I will ponder banning the kids from my bathroom, since the middle child was the one who shoved the little guy inside the vanity to shut him up. I guess that would be to my benefit.
The next time I’m hoisting my big fat butt in through an attic hole the size of a postage stamp, I will make a note to myself to shove one of the twits up there in my place. And as the clothes hanger rod I step on snaps like a twig under my weight, I will contemplate a steel girder to replace it, because there’s no way I can catch those ungrateful little guttersnipes to shove them up there to begin with.
“June and July will bring some exciting opportunities for advancement. You’ll be getting more recognition for your efforts, and the possibility of a raise is in store.”
That might mean that after six months, some alert member of my family will have noticed that I have been absent from dinner festivities. I guess that would cover the recognition part. I’m not sold on an exciting opportunity for advancement, unless it means being first in line in the checkout line, and as far as a raise, well, we all know that I’m not going to sail from AC couch change to the paper stuff by July. Maybe the horoscope means a different type of raise, like the one I get when I plop down on the rubber action figure that the dog left on the couch.
My 2010 romance horoscope predicts my “calls for an adequate mate went unanswered”, but “things will be shaking loose in dramatic manner”.
My memory might be a bit weak from time to time, but I’m sure if I had been swinging from a vine screeching for a mate I would remember it. I dunno, I thought I was reasonably satisfied with my romantically detached lifestyle. I mean I don’t have to wait for anyone, or wait on anyone either. I’m somewhat concerned about things shaking loose in a dramatic manner. What things? I’ve got a few things I wouldn’t care to see shake loose for any reason. A couple of twin body parts come to mind.
“Pluto also continues its long journey though this department of your life, and Pluto demands change and transformation.”
Who the hell is Pluto? The only Pluto I know is the dog in Mickey Mouse, and if a dog is in a department of my life, no wonder my romance horoscope is dismal. And just who does he think he is, demanding anything?
“May and June in particular will see new romantic opportunities coming your way, and will pump new life into a current relationship.”
I hate to be a party-pooper, but the only thing I need new life pumped into is my airways. That way I can smoke until 2011 without gasping for air. Plenty of opportunities will be provided for the ابراج اليوم after checking the horoscopes and astrology for the zodiac signs. The starting of the new life will be done for the person.
So, do you see what I mean about these horoscopes? I can make anything I want out of them, and so can you!